TLDR; I hate this chemical!

Sure two years ago I loved it. I wasn’t addicted BUT I would have it most mornings and it likely formed a big part of my routine. One “benefit” is that I slept less (well not by much and not really, “I slept less and felt less tired even if I actually was” I still don’t sleep enough but I feel tired now).

Today Yesterday I had a tea (fully caffeinated) whilst chatting with a friend at ~6:30pm, not thinking about it. It is now 1:50 (this time increases every quick draft) in the morning and I am awake enough to write this blog-post and publish it!!!!!!! (those are very angry exclamation marks this is not joy or surprise, imagine the angry face emoji)

I usually head to bed around 11/11:30pm (I would ideally sleep at 10:30pm). I get 8-8.5hrs sleep and think “damn I should have slept more”. Occasionally I get 9hrs sleep and feel like a god (plot twist that god is hypnos).

I will not get 9hrs sleep tonight. I will wake up in less than 6.5hrs time tired, grumpy, and regretful.

Worse, I am actually very tired I just feel wide awake. So I now feel a n x i o u s because my mental/physical capabilities and my thought capabilities are wildly misaligned. I can think of loads of scenarios, nitpick on inconsequential social cues (from replayed moments in the past), all without the mental capability to manage that enslaught. I don’t know how much of this will make it into the final blog. (edit: writing this blog and letting those chaotic caffeine thoughts win is helping the anxiety!)

It’s annoying because the effect of caffeine (or atleast this one that I absolutely hate) is at worse 7-8hrs delayed (caffeine after 2pm still keeps me up untill 11pm). So in the moment I’m not thinking “that doesn’t feel good, I should stop having caffeine”. To a colleague of mine who likely won’t read this: I understand your struggles with sugary food.

Urgh. Anyway, rather than watch maths lectures on Invidious (check it out!) I might as well get on top of blogging by … writing a blog I never intended to write. You’re welcome.

Lots of love, Skye … wait this isn’t a letter. Can you tell I am manically caffeinated?

P.S. I have at least 2 blogs in the works, the update on digital detox and a secret one! I have not written anything for them but I have mental storage capacity that is doing alright. Look out for those blogs in the next 2 years or so.

05-06-2024 01:50am (BST)